Nigga, You Almost Was A Bitch

Ok, I really dont know why I chose that to be the title of this blog, but I chose it, so love it. Its been awhile since I updated the Illprint Diaries, and for good reason. I just dont care about this, or anything else for that matter. Life is just a big game of, Fuck I dont even know what to call it. Im just so helpless in my situation, and people just think they have all the answers. I am a realist, I live in reality, I base thoughts ideas beliefs and values on REALITY. So all that "things will get better, we all had tough times" mess, yal can KILL THAT NOISE. No one person knows exactly how another person has felt, despite similar or comparable circumstances. Nigga Im still fucking devastated about my grandma dying. Its been overa year. And people be like "we all lost loved ones", well fuck you, I didnt know your mom, and you didnt know my grandma so you cant feel the same way I do, nor have you ever. People in my ear "Your grandma wouldnt want you to be depressed", do you fucking know her? Do you know how shed want me to feel? How do you know she'd even care? How do you know that me and her had problems and just pretended (we didnt, Im just saying). Im so sick and tired of people thinking the emotions I feel and the shoes I wear somehow relate to them. The homie once tried to compare my home invasion to the time her cds got jacked, bitch it aint the same thing. Youre drunk ass left ya doors unlocked n shit. Someone broke into MY HOUSE and STOLE my computer dvds shoes clothes recording equipment, my whole fucking life. Now Ive got nothing, making me more of a nobody than I already was.

The more depressed I get, the more I see how fake everyone around me really is. They come by with generic words of kindness, when theyre just words. There is no genuine concern or kindness behind them. Just some shit they say so when I finally fucking lose it and end my life they can tell people they tried. And females, dont get me started. Ive come to the realization that they only want me for sex (as weird and fucked up as it sounds). At times, I really know what its like to be a girl. Bitches hear I dont wanna fuck, then they got no words for me. Bitches hit me up on the myspace, slide me they number at work, and when they get no type of attention or affection, they talk shit. Asking me if Im gay. No bitch Im not gay, I happen to be with someone (and I swear the next bitch who complains bout getting cheated on is getting beat the fuck down, cuz yal dont care if the nigga you fuck got a girl or not). And unfortunately for me, Im now attracting fat girls with kids and unjustified high self esteem, aka the type of bitch who doesnt even have the right to look at me, let alone speak to me.

Whatever happened to the days when a girl would just be fat as fuck and depressed and live her life in solitude? I miss them, now I got Lou Albano (R.I.P. Cap'n) lookin bitches out in the streets with they shit all out tryna get some penis. I can tell you what happened...BLACK GUYS. Black guys love them some white girls, and it doesnt really matter what she looks like either. I believe interracial relationships are based purely and solely on REBELLION. That slave mentality blacks still carry to this day, mainly because all of America wont let us be equals, causing black guys to gravitate towards the white bitches. They still got that "ima fuck masa's daughter" in they head, despite they have no master, and dozens of fat chicks theyre plowing arent any master's daughters. And white bitches gravitate towards black guys, because despite what they wanna tell you and themselves, itll still upset their family. Their dad is going to pissed she's with a black dude, and be pissed that theyre Anglo bloodline has been tainted with the blood of the Negro.

Now some of you may be thinking Im some Pro Black Militant. Well youd be wrong, Im mixed, my mother is white and my father is black. But as time goes on, Im starting to hate interracial relationships, mainly cuz it fucks up the white girl. They start talking ebonics and shit, saying the word Nigga and feeling ok about it. And fuck that. My favorite example of when interracial relationships work is my boy Kyle and his wife Heidi. They got a cute lil kid Mason (aka Murder Ma$e). But Heidi is still super white, and I love it. But on the other hand, Kyle is also very white as well (i dont know if Heidi had something to with it or not, I think he's always been that way). Now when I say act white or act black, Im not saying that every race should act a certain way and that be that. No, Im talking more of a cultural aspect. Ethnicities wouldnt be ethnicities without cultural specific aspents, otherwise we'd all be one thing, just shades of colors. But under no circumstance should anyone outside of Blacks ever say nigga. Unles theyre being racist and saying Nigger, then go for it. Because Nigger is a racial slur to cut down blacks, and Nigga is a term of endearment amongst blacks, key word being AMONGST, meaning if youre not part of that race, then dont use it. Im all for white folk saying Nigger to piss me off. Why? Because thats why its there. Nigga though, just makes me wanna punch you, because you clearly forgot your own heritage and now think youre black, and which Im ashamed of you. Reguardless of race, one shouldnt abandon their own. Dont be ashamed you come from the hood, so you tear down ya ghetto living blacks and wear Hollister and shit. Same with the whites, dont abandon whats been your lifestyle and in your bloodline just to be cool. I mean shit, if youre family are professionals with high salaries and youve been alotted the best schools, the best clothes, the best food, dont come to the hood and fuck with blacks just go against the grain, its highly disrespectful to both the people you are in with and your family. The same people you think are cool because of their hand to mouth paycheck to paycheck living would fucking kill to have the oppertunities you have.

I really have no idea where I was taking this, but it ended up somewhere. Im an angry person yo, people are upsetting me on a day to day basis.