In case you were wondering what the above pill is, it is a Valium, aka my new best friend. I havent updated the old blog for sometime. Mainly because my life is slowly, but fucking surely becoming shattered. In August, some NIGGERS, with the -ER, broke into my house and stole my computer, studio, clothes, and dvds. I know who did it, Rodrick Ingram, I know your name and address bitch, youre so fucking lucky God runs deep within me. Then the engine on the Stanza (aka Swagon) blew on sunday. I aint got shit people. Its becoming harder and harder to function as days go by. Im also involved with a new girl, who makes life better, but also confusing and disturbing, but thats who I like my girls aint it?
Ive been writing alot more lately, since I cant fucking record. And I DO NOT LIKE where my lyrics are heading. Im getting back into the complex over the head ness I was doing years ago, which caused alot of my music to fall on deaf ears. Moreso prolly now, since my experiences have broadened and my way of thinking is different, it may be even harder now to know what Im talking about. I still got my boys Pinnacle n SK recording and putting out they hotness, so Illprint will be aliiiiive. But fuck it yo, like I said earlier, its getting harder to maintain. I drink every night, add some Valium in there and I forget whats missing from my life. I hate that I have to result to that, but Im so damn scared to face it sober. And my family is bugging, telling me everything will be ok. NO THE FUCK IT WONT!! That studio was my fucking life. The music I made was a direct extension of who I am as a person. Sure, it prolly wasnt the greatest thing made by anyone ever in life. But IT WAS ME. The studio was my release. Everything that bothered me, I wrote and recorded. From hating my job, to hating rappers, to hating myself, to hating my ex, to wanting to beat up my ex, to drinking, to loving Kelly Clarkson, to loving the first drag of a cigerette. I mean NO ONE lives this like I did. And now what, what do I do? I joined the Army to buy that. Signed my life away for 6 years. Worked 10 hard months to secure the funds for that. And some fuckface lowlife not willing to work hard thinks he can just eat off my plate? Fuck that, I said homie was lucky before. But Im losing it people, I may do something drastic.
As far as my new found dependancy on the pills and the booze, its not going away. Im not going to say "I can quit anytime I want". Because not only is that prolly not true, I dont wanna fucking quit. Ill quit when the pain is gone. Ill quit when I have my life back. ILL QUIT WHEN IM DEAD.
And speaking of death, in 2 weeks (Oct 1) I turn 22, its also the day my grandma died. So fuck being sober, yet alone alive that day.
Mike Game, Out
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1 comment:
Hey Mikey, I know what it's like to lose everything, more than I can tell you on here. Find solace in your friends, and capitalize on hope. You can't do a damn thing about what's already happened in life but YOU CAN make the choice as to how you want to go on. And that choice makes all the difference in the world. You can't let bitchass moves like those punks stealing your stuff take all of your joy, cuz then they really won. I can't sit here and preach to you about shit, but what I will say is if you ever want some encouragement and support, and some other outlets to your feelings besides the dangerous ones, come holler at me!
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