Nigga, You Almost Was A Bitch

Ok, I really dont know why I chose that to be the title of this blog, but I chose it, so love it. Its been awhile since I updated the Illprint Diaries, and for good reason. I just dont care about this, or anything else for that matter. Life is just a big game of, Fuck I dont even know what to call it. Im just so helpless in my situation, and people just think they have all the answers. I am a realist, I live in reality, I base thoughts ideas beliefs and values on REALITY. So all that "things will get better, we all had tough times" mess, yal can KILL THAT NOISE. No one person knows exactly how another person has felt, despite similar or comparable circumstances. Nigga Im still fucking devastated about my grandma dying. Its been overa year. And people be like "we all lost loved ones", well fuck you, I didnt know your mom, and you didnt know my grandma so you cant feel the same way I do, nor have you ever. People in my ear "Your grandma wouldnt want you to be depressed", do you fucking know her? Do you know how shed want me to feel? How do you know she'd even care? How do you know that me and her had problems and just pretended (we didnt, Im just saying). Im so sick and tired of people thinking the emotions I feel and the shoes I wear somehow relate to them. The homie once tried to compare my home invasion to the time her cds got jacked, bitch it aint the same thing. Youre drunk ass left ya doors unlocked n shit. Someone broke into MY HOUSE and STOLE my computer dvds shoes clothes recording equipment, my whole fucking life. Now Ive got nothing, making me more of a nobody than I already was.

The more depressed I get, the more I see how fake everyone around me really is. They come by with generic words of kindness, when theyre just words. There is no genuine concern or kindness behind them. Just some shit they say so when I finally fucking lose it and end my life they can tell people they tried. And females, dont get me started. Ive come to the realization that they only want me for sex (as weird and fucked up as it sounds). At times, I really know what its like to be a girl. Bitches hear I dont wanna fuck, then they got no words for me. Bitches hit me up on the myspace, slide me they number at work, and when they get no type of attention or affection, they talk shit. Asking me if Im gay. No bitch Im not gay, I happen to be with someone (and I swear the next bitch who complains bout getting cheated on is getting beat the fuck down, cuz yal dont care if the nigga you fuck got a girl or not). And unfortunately for me, Im now attracting fat girls with kids and unjustified high self esteem, aka the type of bitch who doesnt even have the right to look at me, let alone speak to me.

Whatever happened to the days when a girl would just be fat as fuck and depressed and live her life in solitude? I miss them, now I got Lou Albano (R.I.P. Cap'n) lookin bitches out in the streets with they shit all out tryna get some penis. I can tell you what happened...BLACK GUYS. Black guys love them some white girls, and it doesnt really matter what she looks like either. I believe interracial relationships are based purely and solely on REBELLION. That slave mentality blacks still carry to this day, mainly because all of America wont let us be equals, causing black guys to gravitate towards the white bitches. They still got that "ima fuck masa's daughter" in they head, despite they have no master, and dozens of fat chicks theyre plowing arent any master's daughters. And white bitches gravitate towards black guys, because despite what they wanna tell you and themselves, itll still upset their family. Their dad is going to pissed she's with a black dude, and be pissed that theyre Anglo bloodline has been tainted with the blood of the Negro.

Now some of you may be thinking Im some Pro Black Militant. Well youd be wrong, Im mixed, my mother is white and my father is black. But as time goes on, Im starting to hate interracial relationships, mainly cuz it fucks up the white girl. They start talking ebonics and shit, saying the word Nigga and feeling ok about it. And fuck that. My favorite example of when interracial relationships work is my boy Kyle and his wife Heidi. They got a cute lil kid Mason (aka Murder Ma$e). But Heidi is still super white, and I love it. But on the other hand, Kyle is also very white as well (i dont know if Heidi had something to with it or not, I think he's always been that way). Now when I say act white or act black, Im not saying that every race should act a certain way and that be that. No, Im talking more of a cultural aspect. Ethnicities wouldnt be ethnicities without cultural specific aspents, otherwise we'd all be one thing, just shades of colors. But under no circumstance should anyone outside of Blacks ever say nigga. Unles theyre being racist and saying Nigger, then go for it. Because Nigger is a racial slur to cut down blacks, and Nigga is a term of endearment amongst blacks, key word being AMONGST, meaning if youre not part of that race, then dont use it. Im all for white folk saying Nigger to piss me off. Why? Because thats why its there. Nigga though, just makes me wanna punch you, because you clearly forgot your own heritage and now think youre black, and which Im ashamed of you. Reguardless of race, one shouldnt abandon their own. Dont be ashamed you come from the hood, so you tear down ya ghetto living blacks and wear Hollister and shit. Same with the whites, dont abandon whats been your lifestyle and in your bloodline just to be cool. I mean shit, if youre family are professionals with high salaries and youve been alotted the best schools, the best clothes, the best food, dont come to the hood and fuck with blacks just go against the grain, its highly disrespectful to both the people you are in with and your family. The same people you think are cool because of their hand to mouth paycheck to paycheck living would fucking kill to have the oppertunities you have.

I really have no idea where I was taking this, but it ended up somewhere. Im an angry person yo, people are upsetting me on a day to day basis.

Its Been A While

In case you were wondering what the above pill is, it is a Valium, aka my new best friend. I havent updated the old blog for sometime. Mainly because my life is slowly, but fucking surely becoming shattered. In August, some NIGGERS, with the -ER, broke into my house and stole my computer, studio, clothes, and dvds. I know who did it, Rodrick Ingram, I know your name and address bitch, youre so fucking lucky God runs deep within me. Then the engine on the Stanza (aka Swagon) blew on sunday. I aint got shit people. Its becoming harder and harder to function as days go by. Im also involved with a new girl, who makes life better, but also confusing and disturbing, but thats who I like my girls aint it?

Ive been writing alot more lately, since I cant fucking record. And I DO NOT LIKE where my lyrics are heading. Im getting back into the complex over the head ness I was doing years ago, which caused alot of my music to fall on deaf ears. Moreso prolly now, since my experiences have broadened and my way of thinking is different, it may be even harder now to know what Im talking about. I still got my boys Pinnacle n SK recording and putting out they hotness, so Illprint will be aliiiiive. But fuck it yo, like I said earlier, its getting harder to maintain. I drink every night, add some Valium in there and I forget whats missing from my life. I hate that I have to result to that, but Im so damn scared to face it sober. And my family is bugging, telling me everything will be ok. NO THE FUCK IT WONT!! That studio was my fucking life. The music I made was a direct extension of who I am as a person. Sure, it prolly wasnt the greatest thing made by anyone ever in life. But IT WAS ME. The studio was my release. Everything that bothered me, I wrote and recorded. From hating my job, to hating rappers, to hating myself, to hating my ex, to wanting to beat up my ex, to drinking, to loving Kelly Clarkson, to loving the first drag of a cigerette. I mean NO ONE lives this like I did. And now what, what do I do? I joined the Army to buy that. Signed my life away for 6 years. Worked 10 hard months to secure the funds for that. And some fuckface lowlife not willing to work hard thinks he can just eat off my plate? Fuck that, I said homie was lucky before. But Im losing it people, I may do something drastic.

As far as my new found dependancy on the pills and the booze, its not going away. Im not going to say "I can quit anytime I want". Because not only is that prolly not true, I dont wanna fucking quit. Ill quit when the pain is gone. Ill quit when I have my life back. ILL QUIT WHEN IM DEAD.

And speaking of death, in 2 weeks (Oct 1) I turn 22, its also the day my grandma died. So fuck being sober, yet alone alive that day.

Mike Game, Out

New Illprint Releases Coming Soon

Dropping Next Week
"Before I Embarass Myself" by Mike Game


Dropping In September
"World Fucking Famous" by The Bang Bus (Mike Game, Pinnacle, K Sleep, & Guests)

The 10 Rap Commandments

So Im on Twitter, I say "Fuck 2Pac" and the world ends. So Im inspired to create a list of Rap Commandments

1) 2Pac Is The Best Rapper Ever (though I disagree, it seems that its true)
2) Jay-Z Is The Best Rapper Alive (also I disagree, it seems muhfuckas love this guy, despite he's never been that amazing)
3) You Gotta Sell Crack (even if you didnt, you have to say you did)
4) You Have To Be "Hard" (people dont like rappers who rap about everyday things, oh no, everyday you have to commit crimes and shoot and kill people)
5) Dr Dre Is The Greatest Producer (despite The Chronic being nothing but Parliment-Funkadelic loops)
6) You Have To Have Swag (Unless you look borderline homosexual, you dont have swag, you need colorful shoes clothes and neckerchiefs)
7) Your Life Has To Revolve Around The Club (yes, everytime you must go to the club, pop bottles and leave with a girl, despite real girls never leave the club with someone)
8) You Have To Be Rich As Fuck (it seems like every rapper has enough money for maybachs and ice, which means Maybachs are the price of Kia's and I should own one)
9) You Have To Be Real (whatever that means, clearly my definition and the worlds definition of real is far different from that of a rappers)
10) Cant Love (Who gives a fuck if thats ya babys mama, so what yal been married for 10 years, you dont love them hoes)

Baptism By Fire

So Im gearing up work on my next mixtape "Baptism By Fire". And its going to be more of the stuff that was on "Before I Embarass Myself" except with absolutely nothing amusing lighthearted or humorous on it. Im feeling aggressive, I feel like being dark. I already have a tracklist compiled, for these songs have all been written. Time to lay them down. Heres the tracklist:

1) Wildflower 4
2) Conteplating Homicide
3) Life's Unfair
4) D.O.R. (Death Of Romance)
5) Day to Night
6) Kiss Of Death
7) Twisted
8) Bang!
9) Baby, Im A Star
10) Champagne Supernova
11) Emotionless
12) Treason
13) When The Music Stops
14) Catch Me
15) Baptism By Fire

ITs short, may get longer, but this is the foundation. Some things will be addressed,so stay tuned.

As far as Before I Embarass Myself, its coming soon, Im working on getting distribution.

The Final Solution

Right now, again, I feel myself like the 05 Eminem, you know burnt out on rap, minus the drugs though. My mom is sick, I hate my job, and Im walking solo in this game called life. I finished Before I Embarass Myself, but have yet to release it. Mainly because I know itll finally be my arrival. Its my 7th mixtape, and after 5 mixtapes of trial and error, I feel "Reckless Abandon" showed that this Mike Game guy not only could rhyme his ass off, he was starting to fill those shoes. Then Before I Embarass Myself showed the kind of range most MC's not only in my city, but in hip hop in general lack. And Im convinced I cant top it. Mainly because I started on the Bang Bus cd, which is basically audio pr0n. I wanted something easy to work on, because essentially, I cant stop rapping. But I couldnt go into a new mixtape, because my heart is hurting right now, and I dont want to do two mixtapes about the same exact thing, ie the failures that are my relationships. And I dont know what happened, but I pretty much have a bout 10 new tracks written in my head, this morning. I dont know, I woke up depressed, had some stuff on my mind. And I guess we could call it "freestyling", but the way theyre structured in my head is insane. Its like my mind was plugged in as I slept and just downloaded these verses into my head. And as far as my Illprint family is concerned, fuck, we had all the energy in the world a month and a half ago. Then it faded. Our writing techniques arent the same at all. Like Pinnacle has to really like, write his shit before he comes, he needs to crawl into the Pinnacle cavern and write in the dark, while me I just need a beat and a concept and Im gone, K Sleep fucking has to have the beat play for 3 and a half months, then he'll have a verse. LOL Im playing, but Im just more quick minded than the others. Nothing wrong with that, when we're together we're unstoppable. So its not like Illprint is dead, cuz itll never be dead.

Then I got myself into another rap beef, much to the dismay of the few other MC's I look up to (Manish Law and XV). They feel Im bigger than my competition, so why waste my time? And I try to formulate an answer, but I really dont have one. Its just fun for me. Its easy work. Like most of my foes are not even on the level I am lyrically or creatively, they make LCD rap (lowest common denominator rap). Mike Game though, is clearly on an higher echleon of this rap shit. I encompass everything. Ive showed I can lean and swang over southern stylings, step up my raw lyrical ability on head ripping bangers, bare my soul over tracks bout the most common human emotion (pain). These niggas out here, can only smoke weed, party, and sell nonexistant drugs. That shits so played out b. And most of my foes are barely legal. And it fucks me up, I lose hope for the next generation of Wichita rappers. Then someone like a Yung Zone comes to me, and hes fucking 18, and is shredding it, but is fucking lost as to where he wants to go. Hopefully I can point him in the right direction, Id hate to see him fall into some LCD shit. And what bothers me the most, is that I dont even wanna do the shit that Im even somewhat known for. I dont like the womanizing music, ie "bitch placing" music (cuz it puts a bitch in her place, lol). Like the Cant Have What You Like, Bust Yo Face shit. Like its cool and aint no one really talking like that. But its like people laugh at it, and kinda forget where I started. Like people forget I only rapped to soul samples, and every song was a page out of my life. Now if I drop a "Perfect Present Tense" or a "Foolish Games" all I hear is "I AINT KNOW MIKE CAN RAP LIKE THAT". Theres more sides to me, like "Perfect Present Tense" took me days to perfect (no pun intended). Shit like "Worse I Ever Had" "Every Girl" "Cant Have What You Like" "Bust Yo Face" was all done in the span of like an hour at most.

Where was I going with this?

Aw yes, I am going to prolly finally give this shit up, at least until I feel the game needs me again. I planned on "Your Moms Favorite" to me hiatus leading joint, but I will instead put out "Final Solution", the final part of the "Reckless Trilogy". This will be an EP, and will be a very serious project. So watch for it, its coming.

Girls: What I've Learned

Again my friends, its the pivotal point in Mike Guesbys life where another girl has exited his life, and another oppertunity for self reflection has entered. Now me and this girl, well, to be honest, was destined to fail from the beginning. Started off right when me and my ex (the Notorious K.A.I. aka Kieristen "The Hammer" Holden aka the muse for Before I Embarass Myself) had ended. From jump, new girl blew the door off infidelity. Now, the ex, she had her far share of dirty, but this girl, man. Less than a month into it she starts cheating, then gets herself in some sort of group sex incident that she labeled "rape". Yeah, you were raped, and at nights a walk the streets of Wichita in a mask a cap and multiple gadgets looking for my parents killers. I tried people, to do my best. But hey it was my fault for not letting the girl go from jump, I know, Im a sucker for love, and always find myself attached to the wrong type of girls. Theyre all dirty girls, so like my mentor Rob Dyrdek would say, Im DGL (Dirty Girls 4 Life). I dont know why, and I dont know how I keep attracting these girls. Its kinda like I like this shit. I know, Mike's theories come back to slap him in his unshaven face. Ive had this long standing theory that girls only like bad guys, which is why youll continuely run into bitches with trust issues and the likes, because theyre last boyfriend (or in more realistic cases, last guy they slept with), was a fucking sack. And in my case, each of my last girlfriends, were either hoo-ers or exhibited hoo-er like behavior. Each time, Im like "Fuck that, that wont be happening" and Kortez will be like "Yeah, right, of course it wont", then it will, then Ill be like "Fuuuuck!!".

Now, to what Ive learned.

Ive learned that with dealing with female sex, theres no right way to handle them. Everything is wrong. Whatever you thought you knew, you dont. Sometimes it works out, most times it doesnt. Like with this last girl, I had been super sweet n all that gay shit with my exes, and yet those bitches ran away to first guy who was semi attractive but treated them terribly. So I figured, fuck that shit, Ima be a fucking a douche now. And what happens? Well the bitch ran off to anyone trying to fuck. Maybe had i been nicer, shed at least have the decency to sleep with someone who wasnt ugly as all fuck. Ive also learned that all girls are the same. Us guys have this theory that pretty girls are the worst when it comes to relationships. Sure theyre great to fuck and are extremely easy on the eyes, but will more than likely cheat on you for they feel they are better than you. So I step down to the alright looking girl, and she turned out to be the worst of them all.

What I do have to my advantage, is a distinct sense of deception, meaning, I can pretty much tell when youre lying to me. Like the last girl, last few weeks, shes conviently either had to work late, or leave her phone at home, or go swimming at 9 pm when its 70 degrees out and looks like itll rain. Ill call, and when shed call back, 30 minutes or so later, she "didnt feel her phone ring", which I took to mean, "Hey Im sorry I was sucking some dick and couldnt answer, but whats up".

Suffice it to say, I have next to no trust in the female sex, and by next to, I mean absolutely none. And if I had higher self esteem, then Id prolly be better off. But face it, I dont make alot of money, dont look that good, has a small penis, and cant really perform well sexually, thus I have nothing to offer a lady. I do though, have a penchant for shit talking and making you feel less than me, so I got that going for me.

Now will I give up on girls? No, prolly not, but I do know that from here on out, dont expect anything more from me thant a few laughs and the occassional act of sexual indecency.